IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Computer games are very popular in all ages and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and more harmful effects. What is your opinion about it?

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #effects
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We are living in a savvy -tech era where everything is replaced by modern technology. These days children love to play
video
 games
instead
 of playing traditional outdoor games. It is
also
 becoming a matter of concern for the parents because children often get distracted from their studies and spend more time
in
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
playing
video
 games. I favour
this
 notion and will explain it
further
.
Firstly
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
video
 games have a negative impact on the development of a
child
 because most of the
video
 games involve
d
Add an article
the
show examples
epiction of violence
child
 which promote aggressive and stubble behaviour in children. Due to inculcation of negative behavioural values
Add a comma
,
show examples
children often procrastinate their studies which resulted
into
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 poor academic performance in school.
Secondly
,
video
 games are replacing outdoor games which lead to
s
Add an article
a
show examples
edentary lifestyle which is
r
Add an article
the
a
show examples
oot cause of much health
relate
Change the form of the verb
related
show examples
 issues. Games like cricket, football keep a
child
 physically healthy and fit. Keenness in sports or physical education can lead a
child
 to establish
c
Add an article
a
show examples
areer in sports.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, I want to state that
video
 games have
n
Add an article
a
show examples
egative impact on a
child
’s growth and it
also
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 physical activity which has long term consequences. In order to prevent the situation
to
Verify preposition usage
from
show examples
 getting worst parents should
limited
Change the verb form
limit
show examples
 the assess of
video
 games.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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