IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that only employees who have worked at a company for a long time deserve to be promoted to a higher position. What is your opinion about this?

#people #employees #company #time #position
Although
 many believe that the only
staff
 members associated with the organisation for long, deserve to get higher positions in the form of
promotion
. I am strongly in favour of the fact that
such
 a workforce should be promoted because they are faithful assets to the
company
 along with motivator for the new
staff
 members.
To begin
 with, let us delve deeper into the reasons where long-
term
 employees deserve to be promoted to a higher position.
First
 and foremost, since the employees have worked for a long time in the
company
, they become trustworthy members of the
staff
. To explain, whenever employees
work
 for the long
term
 in a
company
, they turn to be more productive for the organisation and they are the most loyal workers of the firm. The
company
 not only trust them but
also
 treat them
like
Replace the word
as
show examples
 assets. To exemplify, a survey conducted by The United States Bureau, in 2016, in California, on a group of 600 employees working in multinational firms, revealed that
two-
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
third
 of them had been associated with their respective firms for a longer duration. They felt that promotions should be provided to the employees after completing
c
Add an article
the
show examples
ertain tenure of
work
 in a
company
.
In addition
, when long-
term
 employees are promoted by the
company
, they become the role model for the new employees and they motivate the existing
staff
 to
work
 for long. To clarify, new employees
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
learn to be persistent in their association with the
company
 when they see old
staff
 getting hired recognition. In order to get a
promotion
, they would be motivated to
work
 for
l
Add an article
the
show examples
ong
term
. To illustrate,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
 Dean Baquet, the editor-in-chief, of The New York Times, in his editorial on “ Longterm commitment with the
company
 “ on the 15th August 2019 stated that the workforce in companies preferred to
work
 long
term
 as they intended to seek
promotion
. To conclude, I assert that long-
term
 employees deserve to get a higher position since they are more trusted members of the
company
. As they inspire the current
staff
 for long
term
 commitment, they deserve a
promotion
.
Submitted by sawhneyparmeet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: