IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many Teenagers now have their own smartphone. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion

#teenagers #smartphone
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Youngsters
use
Wrong verb form
have used
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android
Capitalize word
Android
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 phones very much recently and it is the trend. I am in my opinion, there is both useful and useless
side
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
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this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the merits and drawbacks of
this
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 epidemic. One of the
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
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 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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spreading knowledge. Aforetime, a juvenile has been limited in their studies.
In other words
Linking Words
, they assigned themselves only reading in papers. Not only that their wisdom was restricted in a certain area. Another advantage
when
Add a missing verb
is when
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 they
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 touched
in
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile phone they
began
Wrong verb form
begin
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 to take information about
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 information which lead them to go ahead of any aspects. They were keen to develop any
side
Use synonyms
 which was the contribution of the mobile
call up
Add a hyphen
call-up
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. From my perspective, when a person attempts to use a smartphone he would take those type of knowledge which was very availed in their daily life experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, higher graduate students have to
make
Verb problem
write
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thesis
Correct article usage
a thesis
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 anywhere and anytime. Using a mobile dial which consists of a fully
android
Capitalize word
Android
show examples
 system enables them to implement various types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
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 which would be fruitful
of
Change preposition
for
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 them.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the frequent use of smartphones creates addiction. Juvenile uses mobile phones many times which spoil their study time.
Firstly
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,
engaging
Wrong verb form
they engage
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 themselves in the
android
Capitalize word
Android
show examples
 systems stuck
in
Change preposition
on
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 one
side
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they are not aware of the negative
side
Use synonyms
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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of
Change preposition
on
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 their health. In my opinion, as using
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
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 phone kill their additional
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 they do not get
extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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 period to do any exercises.
Finally
Linking Words
, it creates a lot of drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
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 their health.
For example
Linking Words
, using
frequently
Change the word
frequent
show examples
 mobile contact
gain their
Verb problem
increases
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 weight very much which leads
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to
cause
Verb problem
apply
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any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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diseases. Even, they face death in the final stage. In conclusion, a smartphone is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 source of knowledge to upgrade ones.
However
Linking Words
, frequent using of mobile contact is not welfare for the nations. I would say
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 should be used but in a balanced way so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 would not create any harm.
Submitted by Sadiq on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is somewhat unclear and lacks focus. It is important to clearly state the topic and your opinion in the introduction. Provide a clear thesis statement and preview of the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes some relevant examples to support the main points, but they are not well-developed and lack coherence. Try to provide more specific and relevant examples with clear explanation and analysis.
Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers having smartphones, but the response lacks clarity and coherence. Ensure that all aspects of the task are covered and provide a well-structured and coherent argument for your opinion.
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