IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Blood sports have become a hot topic for debate in recent years. As society develops it is increasingly seen as an uncivilized activity and cruel to the helpless animals that are killed. All blood sports should be banned. Discuss the main arguments for this statement and give your own opinion.

#blood #sports #topic #debate #years #society #activity #animals #arguments
In the
last
 few decades
Add a comma
,
show examples
blood sports has become a reason
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 concern. The increasing awareness in the communities has portrayed
this
 game as an inhuman and life-threatening
sports
Correct the article-noun agreement
sport
show examples
 for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
innocent animals. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and
such
 sports should be banned. In
this
 essay, we will understand why these sports should be prohibited with some
revelant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 observations.
Firstly
, being a superior living being it is the responsibility of humans to protect all the living creatures and since animals cannot speak and express their emotion, we should not misuse their
incapabilty
Correct your spelling
incapability
 and innocence for our entertainment.
For instance
, during some festivals in
n
Add an article
the
show examples
orth-east part of the country, bull-fights have become a mandatory game for the enjoyment of the public which most of the time result in the death of the bulls or causing them a
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 injury.
In addition
, these entertainment activities can make adversely impact our coming generations. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 blood sports displays a very cruel side of humans it can make the young ones learn that kind of behaviour and become someone of that sort. To illustrate, we see that our children are more caring and sensitive for the pets and animals which makes them learn how to take care of someone who is not as strong as them.
However
,
such
 games can negatively impact the upbringing of our future generation. To summarize, blood sports should be banned by the authorities as it is not only our responsibility as an
intellient
Correct your spelling
intelligent
 and senior specie to
safe guard
Correct your spelling
safeguard
show examples
 them but
also
such
 kind of entertainment-games can negatively affect the mindset of the country's future.
Submitted by abhi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: