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Band 4.5

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?

#inequality #nations #difference #gap
Today we have more than 7.7 billion
people
, and we have a lot of different
nations
. Unfortunately, in the
21s
Correct your spelling
21st
 century, we still classify
nations
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 rich and poor.
Also
, we still have inequality between them, some
people
 think that inequality is now wider than it was ever before. In
this
 essay, I'm going to write about the main causes and how we can reduce the gap. First of all, in public
people
 are continuing to separate one nation
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 another. In truth, it is our ancestor's heritage,
due to
 we don't like to see someone who does not look like we are.
Social
Replace the word
Society
show examples
 used to think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 African
nations
is
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 one of the poorest
nations
, and European
nations
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 the richest
nations
.
However
, these
nations
 are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 very different continents and have different conditions.
For example
, African citizens can not be very smart because of the poor country and they do not have money for education,
however
, they have good health which can protect them from the sun and various bacteria and parasites. When European
people
 can not survive in these habitats.
On the other hand
, it is the claim of poor
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 citizens and
also
 rich
countries
. Because smarter
people
 know what they need to do for a good lifestyle, and they know how to do it. In fact, poor
countries
 do not have money for development and modernization. It can be dependent on their living place, where no valuable resources and ores. To prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality
people
 need to start making a special organization where everyone can help the poor
countries
 where they can donate or bring things which can help them.
Also
, the citizens of the miserable country need to start
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 more and try to think about how they can change their country from poor to medium and from medium to rich. In conclusion, In my opinion,
people
 from rich and poor
countries
 should negotiate about
this
 problem.
Submitted by court.960 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction provides a general overview of the topic, but lacks a clear thesis statement that previews the main points of the essay. The conclusion is too brief and does not summarize the main points effectively. The essay would benefit from clearer organization and a stronger introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main causes of the inequality between rich and poor nations and offers some suggestions for reducing the gap. However, the response lacks depth and coherence in its development of ideas. The essay could benefit from more thorough analysis of the causes and more specific, well-developed strategies for reducing the gap.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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