IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #zoos #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
hand, some people think, it’s cruel and should be closed down. In that essay
Add a comma
,
show examples
I want to describe some arguments for
bouth
Correct your spelling
both
 point of
wiew
Correct your spelling
view
 and understand what statment better. I guess, if endangered
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
 have
protection
Use synonyms
, it will help to reborn
this
Linking Words
 type of animals. One
of
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
r
Add an article
the
show examples
eason why people
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that zoos it’s good for
protection
Use synonyms
 to the wild animals it’s defending and good quality of help that
veterinars
Correct your spelling
veterinary
 can give them. Over the world
Add a comma
,
show examples
we have enough
examles
Correct your spelling
examples
 of good zoos that can protect some
endageret
Correct your spelling
endangered
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
 from vanishing. Many organization try to help and develop
Linking Words
this zoos
Change the determiner
this zoo
these zoos
show examples
 that can help to recreate
Linking Words
this animals
Change the determiner
this animal
these animals
show examples
 in
futere
Correct your spelling
future
. As statistic of World Organization of
Protection
Use synonyms
 Wild Life said, that over the 40% of
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
 can vanish near 10
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
, without any
protection
Use synonyms
 from
h
Add an article
a
the
show examples
uman.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we have one of huge
dissadavntage
Correct your spelling
disadvantage
. Animals can
mitigating
Change the verb form
mitigate
be mitigating
show examples
surviwing
Correct your spelling
surviving
skillls
Correct your spelling
skills
 and their life in wild nature can be
taugh
Correct your spelling
taught
tough
 after contenting in
z
Add an article
the
a
show examples
oo.
This
Linking Words
 problem might kill many animals that after zoo become free. If that
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
 lost natural
abbility
Correct your spelling
ability
 to find food in wildlife, they will
be died
Change to the active voice
die
died
show examples
 in
Linking Words
f
Change the article
the
show examples
irst time. Many
expert
Change to a plural noun
experts
show examples
 said, that people
intrvention
Correct your spelling
intervention
 in natural
proceses
Correct your spelling
processes
process
 of wildlife have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
terrible aftermath for animals. According to the
last
Linking Words
 report of
A
Add an article
the
show examples
ustralian Zoo Association, over
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
30% of animals can’t survive and died in wildlife, after being in
z
Add an article
a
the
show examples
oo
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
more than one year. In
comclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 want to say. For some
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
Add a comma
,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method of
protection
Use synonyms
 so helpful and zoos can be useful. If some
Use synonyms
spicies
Correct your spelling
species
cna
Correct your spelling
can
 vanish after some disaster or
cataclism
Correct your spelling
cataclysm
 people will
must
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
help them to survive and
finde
Correct your spelling
find
fine
 better way how
impliment
Correct your spelling
implement
this
Linking Words
 animal in their natural
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 conditions.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: