IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #teachers #rules #children #behaviour #danger #freedom
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Handling kids is a much-debated topic. Parents and teachers come up with strict guidelines and many
rules
 for
children
 so that they behave
good
Change the word
well
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 and to keep them safe.
On the contrary
, I believe fewer
rules
 with lots of freedom will help
children
 to develop themselves as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good human being and
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ensures their safety. In
this
 essay, I will examine why providing liberty and restricting them less is necessary.
Firstly
,
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
is
Verb problem
years are
show examples
 a crucial period of
children
's growth as during
this
 period they develop several qualities. These attributes will shape them as a better individual with values in future. Parents and teachers should not be too conservative in their approach as
this
 might result in a kid becoming narrow-minded and not open
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new ideas. One should not be forced to bind by the
rules
, because they will end up becoming dependent on every aspect of life. When a child is made to follow strict directives given by the elders, he/she may lose to think independently.
For example
, from a very young age if one is taught to behave in a certain way
then
 even when the situation demands a kid cannot think of any innovative ways of handling the situation.
Secondly
, too much
of
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apply
show examples
restriction will indeed have a negative impact on
children
 mentally. When they are caged more and more, they develop a rebellious attitude within themselves which might burst out in future.
For example
, there was an incident in my hometown, where a teenage kid was denied a mobile phone for several days to play.
As a result
, the child in anger left the house and lost the way
while
 coming back home.
Hence
, when kids are tied up there is a high chance that they take extreme steps which parents and teachers will have to regret later.
Hence
, a few necessary
rules
 and greater freedom will help the
overall
 benefit of an individual from childhood.
To conclude
, I believe any boy/girl should not be treated with too many restrictions.
Instead
, let them enjoy their independence so that they can explore new ideas and impose a few necessary
rules
 which will shape them as better citizens in the future.
Submitted by niranjan.appaji on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a moderate level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure could be improved for better clarity and flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, providing some relevant ideas but lacks specificity and thorough development of ideas. More comprehensive and relevant examples are needed to fully address the prompt.
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