IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Community workers play an important role in
society
Use synonyms
, be it teachers, nurses or doctors all of them contribute to the upliftment of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Every job has its pay which is defined by the experience, education and the nature of the job. I personally do not agree that professional workers should be paid more as compared to showbiz or sports personalities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reasons in support of my view. Professional workers are pivotal for any
society
Use synonyms
 to function smoothly.
For example
Linking Words
, a teacher is the one who imparts education to our kids and
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role in their overall well-being. As an individual
Add a comma
,
show examples
we choose what we want to do in our life, so when we have decided to serve the community by serving as a doctor or a teacher, remuneration is not that important. A celebrity or famous personalities have a much larger reach and can influence or aspire millions around the globe with their celebrity status.
For instance
Linking Words
, Michael Jordan has inspired many kids to take up basketball and have shown the world that no matter where you come from, if you have the dream and if you work towards it, You can make it big. To conclude, In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
professional workers do play an important role in
society
Use synonyms
, so does a celebrity with its power
of
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 reach and influence. It won’t be right to say that community workers should be paid more as they are working for the community. We need to understand that celebrities can influence millions with their actions and they are paid for their reach and power to attract attention.
Submitted by rincerajan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: