IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think thot cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed of tourists. Others believe that is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.

#people #thot #traditions #attractions #tourists
It is irrefutable that cultural traditions attract lure from all over the world and develop
l
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ocal economy. Some individuals are of the opinion that these may be destroyed if they are modified to attract tourists. Others,
however
, hold the view that if we don't use them for
tourism
, these cultural attractions will die. ln the following paragraphs, I shall discuss both sides of the argument. l, personally side with the latter view. We have to make these cultural traditions alluring for tourists
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we need tourists.
Firstly
,
tourism
 boosts our economy and
secondly
Add a comma
,
show examples
we get a chance to spread our
culture
 to different countries.
lf
Correct your spelling
of
 our artists and artisans do not earn money from their art, which depicts our
culture
 and tradition,
then
this
 art will die off and we'll only be the losers.
Tourism
 is the backbone of any country's economy and every country does its effort to attract tourists. Many people depend on
tourism
 for their livelihood. People in the food industry hotel industry and transport industry
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
tourism
. Presentation is very important to attract visitors
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and to present nicely some change is unavoidable.
On the other hand
, when cultural traditions are used as money-making attractions, they lose their original features. Sometimes it makes cultural traditions disappear altogether.
However
, I believe that
culture
 and tradition are
deep rooted
Add a hyphen
deep-rooted
show examples
 and minor superficial changes cannot harm them in any way. Change is the law of nature and all we should look into it that the changes are made with caution to retain the inherent elements of
culture
. Summing up, to save cultural traditions we need to make some changes to make them captivating to the tourist of today.
lf
Correct your spelling
if
 we don't do so we'll lose our cultural traditions altogether and we'll lose our tourists
also
.
Submitted by pooch6161 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: