IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and promotion and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

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In recent years, it is often suggested that the huge companies' marketing strategies have been too attractive to purchasing the enterprises’ goods. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay
Add a comma
,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will elaborate on the related cause by those well-cultivated advertisements and discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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possible solutions for surviving the regional products.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with,
f
Add an article
the

The noun phrase following seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ollowing is the major issue as the anticipated problems. More importantly, local communities are getting disappear due to closing small businesses.
That is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 because, on account of growing giant corporations' users, most citizens could gain more sales and benefits to
visit
Change the verb form
visiting

The verb visit may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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 those markets. Because of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the local businessmen have been losing their customers who
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject their customers. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 maintained their own business. Followed by the phenomenon, elderly people should leave local areas for finding other jobs who had worked the regional company for lifelong.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, local communities have been disappearing which old people tried to cling for a long time to protect their area. There have,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, several solutions to cope with
w
Add an article
the

The noun phrase worse condition seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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orse condition in province companies.
First
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the local governments establish new regulation which
restrict
Change the verb form
restricts

The plural verb restrict does not appear to agree with the singular subject new regulation. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the large firms operating day and range of advertisement field.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
at
Verify preposition usage
on

It appears that the preposition at may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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 that day people are induced to utilize their regional corporations' goods, without visiting huge shops.
Second
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the large enterprises and small province businesses should cooperate with together for constructing valuable facilities where could lead to
operate
Change the verb form
operating

The verb operate may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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 both type of companies for customers' choice.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, using those solutions, regional firms are expected that they could overcome the worse situation. In conclusion, as mentioned above,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the great companies' sophisticated marketing advances brought vicious results on regional businesses and communities, the well-refined revisions are predicted to tackle those issues.
Accordingly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, those relevant companies should accept new orders from the local organizations and cooperating system to aggressively handle in their businesses.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • disrupts
  • entrepreneurship
  • economic diversity
  • monopolistic
  • financial power
  • homogenization
  • awareness campaigns
  • tax incentives
  • sustainability
  • artisan
  • eco-friendly
  • dominate
  • innovation
  • stifle
  • richness
  • cultures
  • traditions
  • highlighting
  • distinguish
  • superior
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