IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people buy a wide range of household goods like television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

#people #range #household #goods #television #microwave #oven #rice #cooker #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
Correct your spelling
today's
today
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 fast pacing
world
, it is the need of the hour to have access to technology that makes living faster and simpler. A number of new devices now take up occupancy in our homes that some many years ago would not have even made sense to our forefathers. These developments have both a positive as well as
n
Add an article
a
the
show examples
egative impact on people. The invention of the television has by far been one of the most significant inventions of our time. It has changed the way the
world
 works and looks at things. Undoubtedly, the television has brought to our doorstep, access to
world
 affairs, documentaries,
informecials
Correct your spelling
infomercials
informercials
 and so many more avenues to facilitate globalisation and insight.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, if used for the right reasons, televisions, radios, music players and other
such
 technological devices, have the potential to bring the
world
 closer and teach us so many new things.
Likewise
, household appliances
such
 as microwaves, fridges, rice cookers, toasters, to name a few, make everyday chores so much more
time efficient
Add a hyphen
time-efficient
show examples
. People no longer have the time to cook and prepare their meals like one would have had 40-50 years ago. Time is of
e
Add an article
the
show examples
ssence and almost a luxury in today's
world
. These electronics make sure to take care of that, making meal preparation as quick as possible.
However
, with all these benefits come a number of disadvantages. One
such
con
Correct your spelling
coin
show examples
 is the growing laziness, leading to a sedentary lifestyle. People often misuse these luxuries and get used to everything being served to them on a silver platter. They forget the essence of
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
. The overuse of
televesion
Correct your spelling
television
televisions
, mobiles, laptops and other devices has proven to hinder people's pursuit of their hobbies and sports.
Furthermore
,
this
 has
also
 lead to growing levels of obesity and health problems as people have become increasingly lethargic, causing lack of exercise to become a rampant problem among today's youth. The
bottomline
Correct your spelling
bottom line
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is now easier to eat processed and fast foods, as well as, sit at home
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the couch watching movies or
listenting
Correct your spelling
listening
 to music, without the need to go out, all thanks to these devices. In conclusion, I infer that advanced technology has given us a quality of life that our ancestors could never have, but
this
 should come with its limits. We as a "woke" society should introspect on how these can
also
 have a negative impact on us and our health and know where to draw the line. We should definitely take advantage of the
priviliges
Correct your spelling
privileges
 technological advancements have to offer us, but without abusing them and engaging in a
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier lifestyle while doing the same.
Submitted by andybarros22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: