Some people think that people moving to a new country should accept new culture in the foreign country. Others think that they should live as a separate minority group with a different lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #country #culture #minority #group #lifestyle

There is no doubt that children should spend some

time

with their families, but how much

time

and its quality is what to be considered. In

this

essay

Add a comma

show examples

I will discuss both views and explain why youngsters must not spend all their moments with family. On the one hand, spending

time

is very essential for psychologic development of children in which that could lead to strengthening bonds between family members.

As a result

, kids will appreciate their parents’ efforts and recognize the value of the family as well.

moreover

, youngsters learn a lot from that

time

, which is actually full of situations and reactions, so the automatically save and process them in their absorbable minds.

In addition

, kids under

Add an article

the

show examples

upervision of parents are somehow protected from harmful deeds of others like bullying, which could be physically or mentally affecting.

On the other hand

, to raise up a smart child,

Add an article

the

show examples

amily have to encourage him for playing abroad with peers so he is able to deal with numerous circumstances.

As a result

, life experiences may develop

his

Change the pronoun

their

show examples

values and principles.

For example

, a boy who is exposed to

Add an article

the

show examples

uter environment is much more independent and autonomous than one who is stuck to his.

In other words

, parents had better letting their kid meet other people or more complexes will develop in their inner like shyness, sensitivity, and

thus

feeling of loneliness. In conclusion, when it comes to how much

time

that should be spent with parents, the length of

Add an article

the

show examples

eriod is not

Verify preposition usage

show examples

vital as its quality. so I believe parents should force their fears and let them learn by themselves.

Submitted by yusufshaban02 on Wed Jan 06 2021

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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