IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Social Media has helped us increase our virtual networks. This has isolated us physically, making us socially awkward in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#media #networks #person
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The advancement of technology has led to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 growing dependence on social
media
Use synonyms
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 has helped us expand our social network, it has
also
Linking Words
 promoted a tendency of
self - isolation
Correct your spelling
self-isolation
show examples
 and awkwardness during physical interactions. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will give relevant reasons to support my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the continuous use of social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms has led to a habit of connecting with
people
Use synonyms
 virtually.
This
Linking Words
 has
further
Linking Words
 resulted in changing our behavioral habits of socially interacting with one another and
hence
Linking Words
, makes an
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
 conversation with someone challenging and difficult.
Consequently
Linking Words
, virtual platforms are extremely addictive and have reduced our concentration levels of participating in society with
people
Use synonyms
 around; as it is often noticed that we are still active on these tools during social events.
For instance
Linking Words
, Facebook and Instagram users are often observed posting pictures and videos during a live gathering rather than enjoying the moment with
people
Use synonyms
 present during that occasion;
such
Linking Words
 instances usually occur during moments of total silence.
Secondly
Linking Words
, communicating through social
media
Use synonyms
 is often misleading and does not portray the correct picture of who we are in reality.
This
Linking Words
 might result in an embarrassing meeting with someone because of which they might shy away from a
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction.
For example
Linking Words
, profiles created on dating or matrimonial websites cannot completely depict who these
people
Use synonyms
 really are and
therefore
Linking Words
, only a non-virtual meet can reveal their true personality and character. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 social
media
Use synonyms
 platforms help us connect with many
people
Use synonyms
 virtually, it has adversely affected our ability to interact with the world physically and
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
fails
Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
show examples
 to represent our individuality.
Submitted by dipalisklc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: