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Band 4.5

Social Media has helped us increase our virtual networks. This has isolated us physically, making us socially awkward in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion

#media #networks #person
The advancement of technology has led to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 growing dependence on social
media
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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this
 has helped us expand our social network, it has
also
 promoted a tendency of
self - isolation
Correct your spelling
self-isolation
show examples
 and awkwardness during physical interactions. I agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will give relevant reasons to support my opinion.
Firstly
, the continuous use of social
media
 platforms has led to a habit of connecting with
people
 virtually.
This
 has
further
 resulted in changing our behavioral habits of socially interacting with one another and
hence
, makes an
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
 conversation with someone challenging and difficult.
Consequently
, virtual platforms are extremely addictive and have reduced our concentration levels of participating in society with
people
 around; as it is often noticed that we are still active on these tools during social events.
For instance
, Facebook and Instagram users are often observed posting pictures and videos during a live gathering rather than enjoying the moment with
people
 present during that occasion;
such
 instances usually occur during moments of total silence.
Secondly
, communicating through social
media
 is often misleading and does not portray the correct picture of who we are in reality.
This
 might result in an embarrassing meeting with someone because of which they might shy away from a
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction.
For example
, profiles created on dating or matrimonial websites cannot completely depict who these
people
 really are and
therefore
, only a non-virtual meet can reveal their true personality and character. In conclusion,
although
 social
media
 platforms help us connect with many
people
 virtually, it has adversely affected our ability to interact with the world physically and
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
fails
Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
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 to represent our individuality.
Submitted by dipalisklc on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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