IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #services
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Government supporting arts
such
Linking Words
 as music and cinemas financially more than other public services provided in the nation.
However
Linking Words
, some believe that investment in the entertainment industry is less important than public service.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is agreed that authorities must use these funds to consolidate local services
instead
Linking Words
. The need for improvements
such
Linking Words
 as medical and
education
Use synonyms
 facilities yet to be advanced will prove
this
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, no doubt the government has achieved significant improvement in the medical field if we compare it with the
last
Linking Words
 decade. But still, some infrastructures have not been improved at the expected level,
for instance
Linking Words
, several cities are still lack hospitals, dispensaries, and ambulances for locals where financial support more crucial than recreational activities.
Thus
Linking Words
, local authorities should raise their awareness in advancing these facilities than wasting money on arts that people even do not need them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some part having luxury
education
Use synonyms
 support while poorer province doesn’t.
Education
Use synonyms
 needs to reach every corner of the city so every student can acquire one.
For example
Linking Words
, the government should establish more schools and provide all the basic requirements, so
instead
Linking Words
 of only focusing on growing cinemas, they should develop more tuition
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. In summary, the entertainment industry would not bring any benefits to those who are suffering due to under-developed facilities in their local areas and if children would not get access to proper
education
Use synonyms
 they will for sure face unemployment which will directly impact on county economy.
Although
Linking Words
 music and cinemas can
also
Linking Words
 be a part of the government’s investment, they should put their higher priorities on local services.
Submitted by luckydeep70 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: