Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give Your opinion

Recently, societal norms on whether using mobile phones by
children
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are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject norms. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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is
fruitful or not have been brought into question. Many people assume that
this
usage is highly detrimental ;
however
, others claim that it holds multiple merits. Personally, I believe that via parents’ supervision,
children
will obtain more benefits. On the one hand, smartphones can harm
children
physically and socially. Since online games are attractive for those juniviles, they allocate more time in playing them.
Therefore
,
this
deprives them of doing any physical-demanding activity which is noticed in the exponential growth in obesity levels among
children
.
Additionally
, owing to being addicted to their mobiles, they have become introvert persons who cannot socialize or communicate appropriately with their mates.
On the other hand
, these electronic devices have specific applications especially tailored for
children
helping them develop academically.
For instance
, apps
such
as Word Finder affords them an opportunity to boost their vocabulary background. Never do they have enough practice at school, so by
this
application, they can improve their language skills.
Furthermore
, thanks to the convenient way to communicate through mobile phones, parents can be sure that their siblings are safe whenever they are out.
Finally
, in my opinion, smartphones are considered beneficial gadgets unless their usage is monitored by parents.
For example
, parents should limit their
children
’s screen time in order to dedicate more time in physical and social activities.
Thus
,
children
will not only benefit from educational apps
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apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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,
but
also
avoid
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word negative. Consider adding the article.

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n
egative impacts of mobile phones. To conclude,
although
smartphones have numerous dire consequences on
children
’s physical wellbeing and social skills, I agree that if
Change to a genitive case
the usage of their mobile

It appears that the word mobiles should use the genitive case. Consider changing the noun.

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their mobiles usage
is supervised by adults, they will gain more regarding their academic performance and safety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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