IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries art galleries visitors have been declining steadily. What are the possible reasons? How to change this trend?

#countries #art #galleries #visitors #change #trend
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In many
countries
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countries,
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art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
galleries
Change the noun form
gallery
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 visitors have been declining steadily. What are the possible reasons? How to change
this
Linking Words
 trend? In today’s modern world, it is obvious that there are several
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 around the world.
However
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, it seems that the number of
art
Use synonyms
 visitors appears to be decreasing day by day. There are a couple of reasons behind
this
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 issue some of which are
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example,
generally
Add a comma
generally,
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people
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 might not have enough time
for visiting
Change preposition
to visit
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 the
galleries
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 and the second is the high cost of
entries
Fix the agreement mistake
entry
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. We can consider two appropriate ways to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem allocating a lot more money to
artists
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 and offering them free admission. First of all, many
people
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 are of the opinion that they have to work for many hours in order to meet their needs. It is a well-known fact that working
people
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 are likely to be tired at
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 end of the workday and
even
Rephrase
apply
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they probably opt to stay at home and spend their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 with families on the weekends.
On the other hand
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,
ıf
Correct your spelling
if
 they decide to visit any
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
, they encounter
with
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apply
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the inconvenient price of tickets to enter these places.
Secondly
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, governments should take some serious steps to attract public
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 in the arts.
Moreover
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, it
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 sense to give more money to
artists
Use synonyms
 so as to improve their abilities. As the number of skilled
artists
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 increases, the quality of
art
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 increases as well. Another feasible way to persuade individuals to visit the
galleries
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 is that the government should reduce the entrance fee for everybody.
To conclude
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,
people
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 do not have enough time to visit exhibitions and they have to pay for them.
Additionally
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, the
artists
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 should be funded by the government and tickets should be free to all.
Submitted by Muzeyyen on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion lack depth and specific elements. Ensure to clearly state the main points and arguments in the introduction and provide a concise summary in the conclusion.
task achievement
The response is not fully developed, and relevant examples are lacking. Ensure to address all aspects of the question with specific, detailed, and relevant ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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