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Writing Samples
Band 9

Some people think that hard work and determination bring success. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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There are different factors that lead to success. While many
people
Use synonyms
 believe in hard-working and good attitudes, others argue that wealth and look may give more advantages. In my opinion, while all aspects mentioned matter, efforts are more crucial to a successful career. On the one hand, finance and appearance are great tools for success.
Firstly
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, it is wisely advised that to have a great achievement,
people
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 need to study abroad in countries that have advanced education,
thus
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 they should be rich in most of the cases.
For example
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, in Vietnam, those who finished their education in developed countries usually get higher pay comparing to those who graduated in domestic universities.
Secondly
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, many
people
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 state appearance is the most important factor when it comes to careers like singers or actors because audiences care about the look before considering talents or characteristics.
On the other hand
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, work attitude seems to be more important in the long run.
For instance
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, those who graduated abroad usually have to overcome culture and language barriers before being able to complete their studying.
Moreover
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, about artists, they tend to work more than normal
people
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 to keep up with their fans;
otherwise
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, they may be forgotten. Take Korean idols as an instance, they may only sleep for only five hours a day because they are busy with their schedules of practising and performing. To conclude, while financial supports and appearance are needed, determination and attitude are more important to build and maintain success. I believe young
people
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 should not wait for supports but need to stay focus and determine to gain achievements.

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