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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should start at a very early age. But others believe that should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It has been said that
children
Use synonyms
 should start their formal education as early as possible. Despite the many merits they may deprive of
this
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 argument,
this
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 essay will prove that the drawbacks are more justifiable by analysing how
heavier
Correct word choice
heavy
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 academic pressure can be in learning at an early
age
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.
To begin
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 with, advocates of lowering
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 entrance
age
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 base their arguments largely on the fact that a child’s brain develops at an extraordinarily fast rate during the first five years.
In other words
Linking Words
, the younger an individual is, the faster it is for them to acquire new knowledge and information. Early education would,
hence
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,
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
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offering
Wrong verb form
offer
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 substantial benefits to these young
children
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 because they have been
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exposed to a
various
Correct word choice
wide
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 range of knowledge given their incredible learning capabilities at
this
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 stage.
Besides
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,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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early to formal learning is expected to enable kids to hone their social skills through constructive activities.
This
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 is because group projects act as an incentive for students to interact and emulate each other’s positive qualities
such
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 as disciplinary standards, which is very crucial
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in young childhood.
However
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, I am more convinced that the optimal
school
Use synonyms
 starting
age
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 is after a child’s sixth birthday. Contrary to imprinted belief, pupils could have heavier academic pressure which may result from
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new formal subjects namely maths and literacy in the curriculum.
This
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,
therefore
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, would likely trigger a wave of stress and trepidation for the
children
Use synonyms
. If parents push kids toward literacy and maths too early, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 miss out on play-based learning encouraging creativity,
problem-solving
Correct word choice
and problem-solving
show examples
.
For example
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,
children
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 can make up or devise their own stories with Lego even before cultivating writing skills. In highlight,
this
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 can undermine the effectiveness of the primary
school
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 in the long run. In conclusion, lowering the
age
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 may prove counter-productive for early childhood.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should start
school
Use synonyms
 later to gain better educational performance.

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task achievement
Clarify the statement about the merits and drawbacks in the introduction to better align with your discussion points.
task achievement
Make sure to explicitly mention both sides of the argument more clearly in your introduction to set up the essay effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical flow and structure of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Expand on how the drawbacks of early education outweigh the benefits in the conclusion with a more definitive statement.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, such as play-based learning with Lego, effectively supports your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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