IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Now is the while, where individuals have to task for
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 hours and it is because with the upcoming era, with the passing
time
 it is necessary to fulfil the essential needs.
Hence
, people do not get
time
 for their diversion and having these circumstances have many drawbacks which will be discussed in detail.
However
, doing tasks on daily
basic
Replace the word
basis
show examples
 is necessary to earn money but doing
over burden
Correct your spelling
overburden
show examples
 yourself and have no space for yourself makes the
person
 exhausted with the daily hectic routine life which
is have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the most adverse impact on the personality. It makes your
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
 more cranky with
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of anger on small things. For that reason, it is very crucial to have a little more relief
time
 in which you can do what make changes in your daily life.
For example
, a
person
 can read books which help him to gain more knowledge or can go out with friends to clubs where there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 more activities and games for everyone.
Moreover
, the human body
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 rest, it is very important for
h
Add an article
the
show examples
uman body to take rest. So, that he will continue with daily routine but if the
person
 is not getting proper rest and overloaded with work. Soon, his body
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 showing it and from which he can
possibily
Correct your spelling
possibly
 suffer from any diseases. It is the phase where an individual needs to focus other
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 work for the
freshment
Correct your spelling
refreshment
freshmen
.
For instance
, a
person
 can go for a walk in any garden.
Furthermore
, in his free
time
Add a comma
,
show examples
playing games is a superb option. There are more
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
things which can be done in their ease period. In
conclustion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, having a very less term for
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 make the
person
 most
depressfull
Correct your spelling
depress full
depress fully
 and annoyed, which is contrary
for
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 his life.
In Addition
, making yourself overloaded does not work
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 at all.
Submitted by hafiznabeel0398 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: