With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Due to
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advanced medicine and specialized treatments, humans have been increasing their life expectancy. Nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society must take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
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a
Correct article usage
the
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plethora of elderly crowd since the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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living more than
never
Correct your spelling
ever
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. It is known that all the countries should expend a lot of resources to assist their older public.
However
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, only
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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contributed to their retirement
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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the right to receive
such
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cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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also
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money.
For instance
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, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
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only the people who
work
Wrong verb form
have worked for
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more than 30 years have been receiving the benefits of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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to enjoy their retirement and spend that money
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
whatever they need.
Therefore
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people should plan for making all the contributions to receive
this
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money later to
take
Verb problem
have
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a comfortable life.
In addition
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, the Government must incentivize the health sector with the aim to improve the life of ancient people. These actions might benefit
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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really
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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help because with the proper
medicine
Add a comma
medicine,
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society could live longer with plenty of health.
Besides
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that, investing in proper treatments should
also
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help
and
Correct word choice
apply
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boost the
population
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population's
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lives.
Likewise
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, cancer has always been
Correct pronoun usage
one on
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on
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of
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the most undesirable diseases in the world.
However
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, doctors and scientists have been improving the treatment
Change preposition
by analyzing
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analyzing
Change preposition
by analyzing
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the root causes
of
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Consequently
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, the positive results have been increasing
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also
Correct your spelling
as
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the
survive
Replace the word
survival
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indicator.
To conclude
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, it is undeniable that all nations must take with marvellous support of all elderly community. These
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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might pay attention to the contribution part to maintaining all the
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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also
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resources they need.
Besides
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that, the world must keep finding better strategies and treatments to provide worthy care for all human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Submitted by alves.arthur92 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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