IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people blame the government for the increase in childhood obesity while others think it is the parents’ fault.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #childhood #obesity #parents’ #fault
Children
 obesity is a
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 issue these days.few people blame the government and its policies for the obesity in
children
 while other think that it all has to do with the lifestyle that parents providing to their
kids
.
This
 essay will examine both sides before arguing in favour of
l
Add an article
the
show examples
atter opinion.
To begin
 with ,there are many reasons to support that government policies are one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 childhood obesity.
First
 of all, physical activities in public schools are equal to zero and there is no pressure on teenagers to perform
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
physical education.
Moreover
, most students are only pressurised to perform well in theoretical subjects which leads to stress. It is scientifically proved that stress is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 main reason which leads to poor health and excess fat in the body caused by hormonal imbalance.
On the other hand
, some people consider that-parenting ways are liable for
children
's health because
kids
 spend most of their time at home and learn from their parent's habits.
For example
, if parents prefer junk food and providing it to their
kids
 as-well and have zero motivation towards good physique than
kids
 will learn the same. After analysing both the sides of the argument , it can be concluded that parents are the one who can motivate their
kids
 the best towards a healthy and active lifestyle. To do
this
 they have to adopt that themselves so that they can set
e
Add an article
an
the
show examples
xample for their
children
.
Submitted by prabhjotksd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: