IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #machines #workers #jobs #tasks
In modern times, it is becoming increasingly common for
machines
 to perform physical activities which used to be done by an individual.
While
 there are positives and negatives about
technology
 evolution. I completely agree that new innovations should be
executing
Wrong verb form
executed in
show examples
 certain activities. It is a well-known fact that machinery is taking over manual jobs. Indeed,
technology
 has been growing in the past years and companies
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 introduced automation to their production line. At the Tesla company,
for instance
, there are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 individuals working in the production phase. It is all controlled by
robots
 which are working twenty fours hours a day.
Such
 activity,
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 an index of unemployment for many families around the world.
In other words
,
machines
 help businesses by working at a low cost and people are replaced by them. Despite these arguments, others, myself included
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 that
robots
 are the future of the world. Even though many employees lost their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 because of new innovations,
robots
 can create and produce better high-quality products than humans.
For example
,
Coca Cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
show examples
 produces millions of items per minute which would not be impossible to do by hand. In terms of productivity,
robots
 can work many hours a day without
break
Correct article usage
a break
show examples
 and can deliver many items per second. Clearly,
technology
 has been in our society to make it better and provide good conditions for many communities.
Conclusion
Change preposition
In conclusion
show examples
, communities are losing their jobs for new
machines
 nowadays.
however
,
robots
 can provide a better service than humans. In my view, people can learn how to operate
machines
 and they always have work to do in the future and
technology
 is the future for many nations.
Submitted by rafael_cnascimento on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents relevant arguments, but there are some points that could be clarified and expanded upon. Make sure to fully address the advantages and disadvantages of machines replacing workers and provide a balanced analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, but there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Work on organizing your ideas in a more coherent and connected way. Use transitional words and phrases to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: