Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Modern Technology is most of the important
breakthrough
that has been brought to humanity, it is true that these days Fix the agreement mistake
breakthroughs
people
can share their information with each other with
high speed Change preposition
at
with
any restriction. Change preposition
without
While
this
trend is beneficial to some extent, I would argue that its disadvantages are more significant such
as it leads to critical health problems, create
unemployment, the distraction of Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
people
's work or study and so on.
To begin
with, there are several negative impacts of technology on individuals, it contributes to people
's bad health. To elaborate it
, when any person uses modern gadgets excessively, they Correct pronoun usage
apply
have
live Unnecessary verb
apply
sedentary
lifestyle which affects Correct article usage
a sedentary
people
's posture and obesity problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
created
. Verb problem
apply
Moreover
, there are many types of radiation emitted by the gadgets which cause skin cancer, brain cancer and especially weak eyesight due to
the blue light. For example
, an article published by "The Newyork
Time" newspaper showed that 60% population of America are struggling with harmful diseases by the overuse of smartphones. Correct your spelling
New York
In addition
, the technical approach distracts a person 's concentration, they do not focus on their studies as well as
task
.
Moving Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
further
, these days in all working fields do their task through the technical things, this
trend creates unemployment in the persons. To explanation
, if all the job is done by Replace the word
explain
the
machines or other electric things, Correct article usage
apply
consequently
, the masses become jobless and they can not live a healthier life. For instance
, a newspaper in Vietnam revealed that there are over one million people
suffering from the
lack of job opportunities because manual labour is being replaced with technology. Correct article usage
a
Furthermore
, computerized tools have been isolating people
, they are always irritated and they can not talk to anyone properly.
To conclude
, although
there are many benefits from this
phenomenon, there are more negative sides which are greatly effected
human Verb problem
affect
beings
lives, it Change noun form
beings'
being's
resulted
in Wrong verb form
results
much
harmful health problems, Fix the agreement mistake
many
individuals
become unfocused from their studies or work.Correct word choice
and individuals
Submitted by Khush Guraya
on
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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and clear development of ideas. The examples used are somewhat relevant but need to be further elaborated and connected to the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. There is a need for better structuring of ideas and explicit signposting of arguments throughout the essay.