IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people use the Internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience.

#people #internet #search #development
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Some individuals are of the opinion that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 is a reliable source
to find
Change preposition
for finding
show examples
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
remedies for medical conditions. I do not consider that people should take
help
Correct article usage
the help
show examples
 of the
Internet
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 for medical treatment, yet I would say that the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 does play a minor role
to provide
Change preposition
in providing
show examples
 cures for certain illnesses.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are negative aspects
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 depending upon the
Internet
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 for medical treatment because the information we discover is a general solution for the disease, not specific to the patient's health problem.
This
Linking Words
 means that the medication would prove wrong for the patient.
Hence
Linking Words
, it would deteriorate the patient's health
instead
Linking Words
 of improving it.
For example
Linking Words
, a group of researchers found that people who relied only upon the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for taking medicines for ulcers, asthma or coronary disease suffered for a long time leading to serious complications. Admittedly, it may appear right that there are benefits of relying upon the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for medical
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 as it provides correct remedies for minor medical issues. It is found that the public receives correct herbal remedies for fever and cold.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are cured successfully at home and without spending money.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study revealed that 75%
people
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of people
show examples
 who seek natural treatment
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 from the
Internet
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 improved their health drastically, without the need
of consulting
Change preposition
to consult
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 doctor.
To conclude
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, I do not support that society should look for cures for medical care from the
Internet
Use synonyms
, in spite
that
Change preposition
of that
show examples
 it seems that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 has some advantages for certain illnesses.
Submitted by Naoreen Chowdhury on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence overall, but there are areas where the logical structure could be improved. Some of the supporting examples need further development and relevance to the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task sufficiently, but it could benefit from a more balanced approach that presents both positive and negative aspects of using the Internet for medical information. The examples provided are relevant, but they could be more detailed and varied to support the points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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