IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays, teenagers commit serious
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 as
adults
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some people opine that younger should be punished in the same way as
adults
Use synonyms
 if they
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 serious crime, I would argue that treating both young and mature lawbreakers equally may have adverse effects. Apparently, there are some reasons why I disagree with
this
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 notion
at
Change preposition
apply
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the top of
that is
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 children are not enough mature. To be precise, they are too young to fully understand that their criminal acts lead to potential consequences. To epitome, teenagers may physically grow up and look like
adults
Use synonyms
, but they are not mentally mature
to
Rephrase
enough to
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 evaluate their decisions wisely.
Furthermore
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, some of the adolescents indulge in bad activities
due to
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 their peer pressure and harassment by others.
Thus
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, there not
enough
Correct determiner usage
apply
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capable
to control
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of controlling
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 their emotions and aggression;
as a result
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, they execute humiliation.
On the other hand
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, approving the same court on
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
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 means that they have to spend their life in prison
instead
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 of reformatory schools.
Moreover
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, rehabilitation is a vital process for the younger
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
.
Therefore
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, rather than sending them to prison where serious criminals are living, they should
let to
Verb problem
apply
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stay in reformatory schools, where they can continue their
study
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studies
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 and stay far away from the criminal life.
For instance
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,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age pupils are not enough mature, if we
will
Verb problem
apply
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teach them the positive aspects of life and encourage them
toward studies
Change preposition
to study
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, their mindset will change automatically
also
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 their negative thoughts will be
exchange
Wrong verb form
exchanged
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 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive
one's
Change noun form
ones
show examples
.
To conclude
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, I oppose
this
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 view as young have
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same punishment as
adults
Use synonyms
 when they carry out the severe violation.
Although
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offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 perpetrate crimes, it is not the correct measure to mitigate
this
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 issue as they are not enough mature to control their thoughts.
Hence
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, they can suffer from psychological
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 if
would
Verb problem
they are
show examples
send
Wrong verb form
sent
show examples
 to jail.

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task achievement
Clarify your position on the topic in your introduction. You should clearly state your stance on whether you agree or disagree with the statement regarding punishment for young offenders.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas in paragraphs. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully developed with relevant details.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing. This will help demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
You presented a clear argument against punishing young offenders in the same way as adults and provided reasons to support your stance.
task achievement
You included examples to illustrate your points, which adds depth to your argument.
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