IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time discus both these views, and give your opinion

#people #education #classes #part #child #focus #academics #school #time #discus
Physical education courses are believed by a growing number of people to be a crucial part of every child’s education.Others,
however
,think that focusing on academic
subjects
 is more important. In my opinion,these two
subjects
 should be considered and keeping a balance between them is the key to
children’s
 success. On the one hand,courses which contain physical activities are necessary to be incorporated into
children’s
school
currIculum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
show examples
.
Such
 classes are not only beneficial for
children’s
 mental health but
also
 effective for improving their physical well-being.
In other words
, having physical
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
 in
school
children’s
 daily schedule can help their body to release useful hormones which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to avoid obesity.
In addition
,
such
 hormones can help children to keep their feelings balanced which lead their mind to function properly.
On the other hand
, the necessity of academic
coursers
Correct your spelling
courses
show examples
 is undeniable. Since most of the careers require qualified employees who have academic backgrounds,
school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should devote enough amount of their time to gaining a great deal of knowledge about their
school
subjects
 and
acquire
Wrong verb form
acquiring
show examples
 different practical skills.
Such
 courses will provide a wider range of job opportunities as they spend enough time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning useful
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 in their
school
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. In my honest opinion, schools should place a premium on both
subjects
 because each of which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 vitally important. Even though the main purpose of attending
school
 is gaining academic knowledge, mental and physical health should be considered because a qualified educated person will not be successful unless he or she is physically and mentally in good status. In conclusion, physical
school
 classes and academics Are two
subjects
 on which children should focus during their
school
 times, but their importance is still debatable .
Submitted by suna.habibi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the response thoroughly addresses all parts of the task. Develop your arguments and provide a clear opinion on the importance of physical education and academic subjects. Use specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas in a more structured and coherent way. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the essay flows logically from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical education (PE)
  • holistic development
  • lifelong healthy habits
  • academic performance
  • core subjects
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • social skills
  • critical thinking skills
  • information age
  • balanced approach
  • holistic education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: