IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Human society has made great technological progress in the last 100 years. Some people think this also has negative effects on our life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Humanity has tremendously transformed the world we live in.
While
Linking Words
modernization
Use the right word
modernisation
show examples
 improves our way of living, a great number of the
world
Check wording
world's
show examples
 population argue that it
also
Linking Words
 generates certain drawbacks to our lives. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will analyse the advantages of technological development and justify why I strongly believe that technological advances are essential to the human race. Considering the negatives of
technology
Use synonyms
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
, firstly
show examples
, we are becoming over-reliant on
technology
Use synonyms
 for almost every task without
realizing
Use the right word
realising
show examples
 it.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is increasingly more common for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 vast
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
majority of the youth to consistently spend the bulk of their time browsing their social network profiles to keep up with their friends’ status
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 discourages real interaction.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the growth of robots and machines, the efficiency of a task has increased tenfold, and
this
Linking Words
 is the reason why humans might be superseded by
technology
Use synonyms
. These days, even
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 prefer leading-edge
technology
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
to do
show examples
 multitasking and productively than humans.
As a result
Linking Words
, many people will, unfortunately, lose their jobs or even
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not have
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the main advantages of
technology
Use synonyms
 are that it has made significant breakthroughs in terms of communication and business. Concerning the former, people
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
now can
Correct word order
can now
show examples
 communicate with
the distancing
Replace the word
distant
show examples
 friends or a person belonging to a different part of the world, which
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
show examples
 them even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 are far
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
away. As for the latter, the advanced
technology
Use synonyms
the
Verb problem
improves the
show examples
 efficiency of a business process. Progress in implementing strategic
technology
Use synonyms
 trends is helping them save time, money, and exchange faster.
Also
Linking Words
, sales and purchases are now facilitated and possibly worldwide, which allows businesses to buy raw materials with discounts or at reduced prices. In conclusion, I think that the positives of better communication and efficient business that come with the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages of
technology
Use synonyms
 addiction and
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
show examples
 of jobs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same phrases or ideas too much.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: