Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities during their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In contemporary settings, the vast majority of guardians have been attaching more importance to their offspring’s academic education.
Therefore
, they believe that
children
should engage in some
activities
with educational value.
However
, I believe that
this
is detrimental to their upbringing. It is understandable that spending free time on
this
kind of
activities
enables
children
to obtain a reputable academic qualification in the future and gain an edge in the job market. To be more specific,
children
who devote enough hours to academic
activities
are more likely to get high marks and be admitted to well-known universities.
Thus
, compared to those underachievers with a low score, they have a higher possibility of achieving promising career prospects, especially in China, a country with an enormous population and ruthless competition.
However
,
this
will make
children
lose the chance / opportunity to relax themselves and lead to / result in some undesirable consequences. On the one hand,
this
daily routine may result in a sedentary lifestyle which the majority of school
children
are adopting, and
thus
increase the possibilities of them suffering from some diseases like obesity, poor eyesight and lethargy which damage their health.
On the other hand
, if students are required to focus on their academic
activities
for several hours on end, they are more likely to feel exhausted or bored, resulting in low working efficiency.
By contrast
, if they are allowed to do some recreational
activities
during or after school hours, their brains can be discharged, and they will have a refreshed mind, facilitating their academic learning and
thus
making them capable of concentrating on learning subjects. In conclusion, while focusing on academic
activities
may have a minor chance of helping students achieve outstanding academic performance and promising career prosperity, it brings about more drawbacks including health problems and lack of focus in studies.
Submitted by saifuddin.abdulrehman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: