Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

Exercise
is a necessary thing for humankind all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
. Some individuals think that
companies
should provide that time to their employees during the day.In my opinion, Because it is important to the human body, little pieces of training should be done during the work shift. Both workers and employers will
gain
Verb problem
apply
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benefit from
this
situation and
this
essay aims to prove that.
Firstly
, as mentioned before,
exercise
is an inevitable thing for people to do. If some individuals avoid doing
exercise
, it can cause him/her several pain later. In the modern era, most jobs are safer than
earlier
Change preposition
in earlier
show examples
times. But even desk jobs can be harmful if a worker does not take a break or does some
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. Since the development of humanity, workers' rights have always been important and especially in
this
century, all rights are protected. It is the duty of the company to prevent a situation where the worker may be harmed.
Therefore
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
should be provided by the company for employees during the day.
On the other hand
,
companies
also
can be harmed when a worker is injured.
Also
, minor injuries prevent the employee from working at full performance.
This
is a bilateral position. If
companies
avoid exercising their workers, both sides will suffer from
this
situation.
For example
, Toyota observed several-fold improvement in its work performance after it appointed a physiotherapist to all its departments. It illustrates that
this
is not only a human right but
also
has incredible benefits for the employer. To summarize, employers should provide employees with
exercise
time during the day. Not just because it is a work right but it is
also
beneficial for
companies
too.
Submitted by serhat.kayaa3 on

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task response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task question. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph is well-connected and contributes to the overall argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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