Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time

Exercise

is a necessary thing for humankind all

time

Correct article usage

the time

show examples

. Some individuals think that

companies

should provide that time to their employees during the day.In my opinion, Because it is important to the human body, little pieces of training should be done during the work shift. Both workers and employers will

gain

Verb problem

apply

show examples

benefit from

this

situation and

this

essay aims to prove that.

Firstly

, as mentioned before,

exercise

is an inevitable thing for people to do. If some individuals avoid doing

exercise

, it can cause him/her several pain later. In the modern era, most jobs are safer than

earlier

Change preposition

in earlier

show examples

times. But even desk jobs can be harmful if a worker does not take a break or does some

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

. Since the development of humanity, workers' rights have always been important and especially in

this

century, all rights are protected. It is the duty of the company to prevent a situation where the worker may be harmed.

Therefore

workout

Fix the agreement mistake

workouts

show examples

should be provided by the company for employees during the day.

On the other hand

companies

also

can be harmed when a worker is injured.

Also

, minor injuries prevent the employee from working at full performance.

This

is a bilateral position. If

companies

avoid exercising their workers, both sides will suffer from

this

situation.

For example

, Toyota observed several-fold improvement in its work performance after it appointed a physiotherapist to all its departments. It illustrates that

this

is not only a human right but

also

has incredible benefits for the employer. To summarize, employers should provide employees with

exercise

time during the day. Not just because it is a work right but it is

also

beneficial for

companies

too.

Submitted by serhat.kayaa3 on Tue Feb 02 2021

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task response

The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task question. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph is well-connected and contributes to the overall argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Students in school and university learn far more from lessons with their teachers compared to other sources, such as the television or the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will l earn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some cities have spent a large amount of money on bicycles. Why has this happened? Do you think it is the best way to solve traffic problems?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers ahould be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe thay should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.