IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
music
. It is undeniable that songs are an essential part of our life. Personally, I tend to think that
music
 is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 method to combine
people
 from various levels of society and different ages. Tune is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one kind of art which can penetrate to a heart regardless
on
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
 sex, age or education.
Firstly
, it is well known that everyone likes
music
 and the vast majority of
people
 adore singing. What I mean here is that any person visited a concert or sang songs at least once per life.
One
Verify preposition usage
ofOne
show examples
 the main reasons behind that a song is the most ancient method to show emotions. A good case in point is that after visiting a concert or singing song
people
 become closer. Any team demonstrates its own song or anthem. Every trainer or commander knows about it,
therefore
 it is part of
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 of combining of
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
music
 gives us to feel similar emotions, not only demonstrate. It is obvious, that listening old or classical tunes we can feel the same mood as well as our parents,
therefore
 hymns in churches do not change in centuries. And, of course, the best example is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 anthem of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. Every citizen from a kid toa senior sings their own anthem and feel that they are all together, a single whole, a part of their nation. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that
music
 is the easiest and the best thing which
combine
Change the verb form
combines
show examples
 all
people
. without any expectation to have benefits.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: