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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents decide to buy their kids a car for their eighteen birthdays.

One of the
first
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 things that teenagers do after their become adults, is getting
a driver licences
Correct the article-noun agreement
a driver licence
driver licences
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. Not everyone will be able to
drive
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 right away because they do not have a
car
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. Some
parents
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decide
Add the particle
todecide
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 help them and buy their kids a
car
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 for their eighteen birthdays. There are advantages and disadvantages to
this
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 going-on.
To begin
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 with, right after getting a permit to
drive
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 a
car
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 anyone would love to
drive
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 as much as they can because it is new and exciting. Sadly, not everyone can afford
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
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 a
car
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 at the age of eighteen so they depend on their parent and
drive
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 their
car
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 only when allowed. Guardians want to do something special for their kids on
this
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 special birthday so they buy them a
car
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.
Furthermore
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, when a teenager has a
car
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, they are more independent. They can go grocery shopping
instead
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 of
parents
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 or pick their sibling up from school. It is easier for the
parents
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 because they can receive much more help with household tasks and
that is
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 why they decide to buy their adult children a
car
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.
On the other hand
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, young drivers tend to cause much more
car
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 accidents than experienced ones.
Therefore
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, buying a
car
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 for a teenage person can be a waste of money and repairing a
car
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 could cost much more than the actual vehicle.
Moreover
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, people appreciate things more when they had to earn for them themselves. If a young person had to work hours and collect money for
moths
Correct your spelling
months
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, they would be so very careful around the
car
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. As for those who got the
car
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 from their
parents
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 and did not
had
Change the verb form
have
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 to work for it, they could break it easier and way faster. Summing up, I think it is great that
parents
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 want to help their children and buy them their
first
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car
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 but not necessarily it would be a good thing. Of course, they could help them and maybe pay half price for the vehicle and the other half would be paid by the new owner. Whether they decide to do, they should always keep in mind that driving a
car
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 is a huge responsibility towards themselves and others.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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