IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Your work place does not have a parking area and it is causing some problems. Write a letter to your manager, Describe the problems it has caused. Explain what benefits a parking area would bring to the company. Suggest a solution.

#work #place #area #manager #company
Dear Mr Ahmed, I hope
this
 letter finds you well. I am Mohamed Hussein who works in the marketing department. I am writing with regard to the lack of parking lots for employees
as well as
 clients.
To begin
 with,
due to
 difficulty in finding a proper place to park our vehicles, many of us have to commute using public transport
instead
.
Thus
, we usually arrive late because of repetitive drop-off stations in those early hours.
Additionally
, many clients
contact
Wrong verb form
contacted
show examples
via
Correct pronoun usage
us via
show examples
 email or telephone calls informing us that they could not attend
as for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
this
 problem. In fact, having spacious parking areas for the workforce and customers has become a necessity.
This
 is because these areas would not only save employees’ time but
also
 provide with clients an opportunity for face-to-face communication.
This
 will definitely boost our productivity and sales. In order to have those parking lots, we can use the ground floor by relocating the financial department
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the fifth floor. Alternatively, we can request sharing
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 multi-storey garage with the council. Both of them are an effective solution. Your prompt response is greatly appreciated. Yours faithfully, Mohamed Hussein
Submitted by emanibrahim51191 on

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task response
Include more specific examples of how the parking issue has affected productivity and client interactions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is clearly linked to the main idea and use more transitional phrases to improve coherence.

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