More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays many young
kids
are facing
obesity
and it is increasing alarmingly in all the grown countries. It is a major concern across the globe.
This
essay elaborates main causes of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overweighting
Replace the word
overweight
show examples
of
kids
and
also
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
major effects
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
. First and foremost, why many children are suffering from fatness? One of the main causes of
obesity
is junk
food
and no physical activity. In
this
context, countless young
kids
are not eating proper hygienic
food
as in developed countries both the parents are working and busy with their office commitments,
they
Correct word choice
so they
show examples
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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spend time
to cook
Change the verb form
cooking
show examples
healthy
food
for their
kids
. Children are not allocating spare time to exercising
moreover
they are investing maximum duration on television, laptops
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
video games etc.
For Instance
, more young people are attracted to fast foods like pizza, burgers
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
soft drinks
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
leads to more
obesity
.
Secondly
, if
juvenile
Add an article
the juvenile
a juvenile
show examples
is suffering from overweight
then
it has severe effects as well. Mainly, many youngsters are suffering from
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
and
heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
.
In Contrast
to adults,
grown up
Add a hyphen
grown-up
show examples
kids
are facing
heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age because of unhealthy
food
and diabetics
count
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in
kids
also
growing rapidly
round
Correct your spelling
around
show examples
the world. It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
major concern in
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation.
For Example
, recently one college student
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
suffering from excess overweight
from
Change preposition
since
show examples
childhood
as a result
he
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
stroke
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age and is in
critical
Add an article
a critical
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situation.
To sum up
, one of the major causes that many
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
kids
are facing from
heart
stroke etc across the nation. To overcome
this
concern, parents need to play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
significant role in their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
healthy life and
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation makes
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
strong.
Submitted by Kishor on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

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A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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