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Band 5

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #time #community #teenager #society
Many
people
 believe that young
people
 have to do some volunteer
work
 for their local community whenever they have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
spare time because
this
 can be beneficial for both the individual and society as a whole. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 statement because teenagers are not obliged to do
unpaid
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the unpaid
show examples
 job during their free time. The main reason that
justify
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justifies
show examples
 the disagreement with
this
 view is that young
people
 have a burden of
school
Correct your spelling
schoolwork
show examples
work
. Their teachers and parents expect them to do their
homworks
Correct your spelling
homework
, projects, and exam revisions on the top of attending the lessons
everyday
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every day
show examples
. If they are forced to volunteer in a charitable event,
such
 as
raisng
Correct your spelling
raising
 funds for poor
people
 , they would encounter enormous pressure to balance between their studies and unpaid
work
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
. Another paramount reason,
this
 can
deminish
Correct your spelling
diminish
 the importance of
the
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apply
show examples
volunteer
work
 in terms of its value and message. when students are forced to do something they do not have interest in it, they would grow a negative notion against it, and
therefore
 they feel resentment and
angry
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anger
show examples
.
This
 would significantly contribute to
undermine
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undermining
show examples
 the benefits of doing unpaid
work
 for the society because the
essense
Correct your spelling
essence
 of
the
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apply
show examples
this
work
is rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on showing
willingness
Add an article
a willingness
show examples
 to offer help so that they could effectively learn how to support their communities. To sum up, it is clear that young
people
 may hate volunteering if they are forced to do it because they have school responsibilities.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 it could probably distort the moral and ethical value of volunteering.
Submitted by khadega.amer09 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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