IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadays many people aim to create a balance between their work and other aspects of their life, however, only a few achieve it. What are the problems in doing this and what solutions can you suggest?

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Most
people
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 are struggling from trying to implement
balance
Add an article
a balance
show examples
 between their jobs and their day to day lives, and only the minority can implement
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle. Several factors contribute to
this
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 problem.
This
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 essay will examine those problems and come up with some solutions. It is undeniable that making a living is becoming challenging especially for medium to lower society
work
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 class. Some
people
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 have to
work
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 in more than one jobs in order to
support
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 their families.
This
Linking Words
 can make them
work
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 longer
hours
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 and not be able to enjoy other aspects of their lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend is working at Walmart during the day and in order to be able to
support
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 her family as
singlr
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single
 mom, she is working as an Uber driver
over night
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overnight
show examples
. She
doesn
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does
 not have
time
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 to enjoy her
life
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. Another reason why
people
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 have
hard
Add an article
a hard
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time
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 to adjust their
work
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 and
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life
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lifetime
show examples
time
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 is that some
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work places
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workplaces
show examples
 do not
support
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 them.
For instance
Linking Words
, long
hours
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 of
work
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 in some private factories with no annual vacation
time
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, make some workers
work
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over
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
time
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 and sometimes one person
work
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 in lieu of two. If they do not follow the
work
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 style, they would get fired. As can be
seen
Add a comma
,seen
show examples
 it is becoming extremely hard for some who
work
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 hard and those who have no
support
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 from their workplace to maintain
this
Linking Words
 balance. The solution would be for governments to employ mandatory vacation
hours
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 for all the employees no matter what kind of job
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
show examples
 doing and how much they are making.
This
Linking Words
 will allow them to take some
time
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 off
work
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anf
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and
 enjoy spending
time
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 with their friends and families. Another solution will be to make sure employees and workers have access to some free services like gym and restaurants ' vouchers once in a while making sure they enjoy other aspects of
thir
Correct your spelling
their
 lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, Home Depot
provied
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provided
provide
 a free gym pass for those working 8
hours
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 plus in their warehouses
accross
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across
 BC in 2015 in order to provide
them
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the
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to be active and enjoy
life
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 outside
work
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. To sum up, only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
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 can
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 make
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between their job and their
life
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. The majority who cannot have
this
Linking Words
 privilege are those who have to
work
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 over-
time
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 or in different jobs and the ones with no
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work place
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workplace
show examples
support
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. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 mandatory holidays for employees and
also
Linking Words
 companies should help
proving
Change the verb form
to prove
show examples
fascilities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 to make sure their workers are having access to tools that can make them happy outside
work
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 frames. I

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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