IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

School teaching should focus on success on the workforce and less attention should be given to academic achievement , to what extent do you agree or disagree?

The quality of education plays a vital role in one's
success
Use synonyms
. Over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, the importance of the style of teaching
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 ever
increasing
Use the right word
ever-increasing
show examples
. Nowadays, the majority of people think that
school
Use synonyms
 education should focus more on the
skills
Use synonyms
 which lead to the
success
Use synonyms
 of the students rather than only achieving academic milestones. To a certain
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 I agreed that
success
Use synonyms
-oriented teaching is more beneficial.
However
Linking Words
,
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 cannot ignore the value of academic achievements.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both viewpoints. On the one hand, various factors contribute to a person's future occupational competency, ranging from professional to social abilities. Admittedly, there is no guarantee that
school
Use synonyms
 graduates who pass all exams with
fly
Replace the word
flying
show examples
 colours are able to apply the theoretical knowledge in workplaces where job-related practical
skills
Use synonyms
 may exert more influence on their job performance.
For example
Linking Words
, a person cannot become a good designer by reading textbooks and applying theoretical knowledge
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as formulas and equations. So, they should get taught ranging from vocational
skills
Use synonyms
 to psychological readiness.
Also
Linking Words
, regular workshops should be
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
 to teach them the value of team bonding, cooperation, and effective communication
skills
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we cannot underestimate the role of academic courses. Outstanding academic records are not merely based upon how well the student can remember what is taught in textbooks, but
also
Linking Words
 on his or her other abilities
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 logical and analytical thinking and positive attitudes for overcoming difficulties like persistence and determination, which can be cultivated over the academic course with necessary guidance given. These desirable traits
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with the solid academic foundation for
further
Linking Words
 professional self-perfection in a particular
industry
Punctuation problem
industry,
show examples
 are equally crucial to their labour value. In conclusion, the
success
Use synonyms
 of the workforce is more essential than
school
Use synonyms
 milestones. I agree with the fact that focusing more on the
success
Use synonyms
 of the students will attain excellent benefits. It is predicted that, in future, skill-oriented courses will be taught more.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add more clear proof for each main idea so the essay shows why your view is true.
coherence cohesion
Use plan and signpost words. Show order of ideas: first, next, also, but, however.
accuracy
Fix small grammar and spell errors. Watch capital letters and wrong spellings like colours.
task response
Keep the balance. Give a bit more on both sides.
structure
The essay has a clear view and a simple plan that is easy to follow.
coherence
Two parts use 'one hand' and 'other hand' to show view.
content
Some good example use helps show ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: