IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
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The
way
Use synonyms
 of raising up
children
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 had been changed nowadays from years ago, some of
families
Add an article
the families
show examples
 rely on
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
show examples
 and do not allow their
children
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 to get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 with others ,because they think
that is
Linking Words
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
way
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 for both of them .Others believe that
children
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 should take their role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and be part of it . Families that are overprotected their child and stick on them because they thought
that is
Linking Words
 the role model of brought up and they can
taught
Change the verb form
teach
be taught
show examples
 them the conventions, code conduct and ground rules that they have from their ancestor to pass it to their generations .
In
Linking Words
addition
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,addition
show examples
 they believe that they are guardian from
negative
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the negative
show examples
 effect of peers pressure and the problems that bring it with it . ,I completely disagree with
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 needs their parent for some period of
time
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 and should be away from them when they become mature allow they to try and fail to know what is suitable for them but should be supervised them all the
time
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 to discipline their
way
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On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 people who think that
abandon
Change the form of the verb
abandoned
show examples
children
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 from
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 , had many drawbacks with the personality of
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 , make them will not behave probably with the people .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the family who have dual income that can not see parents all the
time
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, and
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can prepare them to be independent and mature. Overall ,the free
time
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 of
children
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 should be beneficial for both
children
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 and family and invest it in a good
way
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 ,involve the child in the society that could develop their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and help parents to reduce the pressure they may get
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from work and family .
Submitted by fatmaalshakarchi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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