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Band 5.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
Solving criminal issues via prisons is an accustomed way for many countries.
However
, the best solution to prevent
such
 cases is to provide individuals
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
 well-organized education background. I take the view that education will minimize the problems of
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 level in the world. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will provide some arguments to support
this
 point of view. Most countries strive to set high terms for inmates in order to demonstrate the rest of the people who want to commit some prohibited activity like bribery, murders and robbery.
On the contrary
, the solution is short-term because they can
reoffend
Correct your spelling
offend
 many times in a row and
this
 approach is not efficient for the countries. In Ukraine a multitude of people prohibit laws and many of them kill other people after their enormous terms in prisons, where they do not rectify their mistakes and eventually many denizens live unsafely.
From
Change preposition
On
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 the other side, preventing any offenders in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 stages gives more profit if they grow up in good education conditions. Providing a well-behaved lifestyle from the governments can sort out making criminals because they will earn their remuneration via their knowledge and experience, so they are not in need of money.
Consequently
,
this
 method will decrease the criminal level in cities and prevent many new issues. A good example of
this
 is Norway, they create
such
 a system that helps their inhabitants and today they have a low level of offenders in the world. All in all, I believe that the only
one
Remove the determiner
apply
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effective way to exclude the crime is in upbringing their individuals from their childhood and
this
 may mitigate any new outlaws.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
What to do next:
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