Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Today’s population in many nations
for example
Japan
as increased rapidly where older
Add the comma(s)
, as increased rapidly where older people like to spend their life in the retirement homes because this is the great question of significance not only for them this,
show examples
people
like to spend their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
homes
because
this
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
great question of significance not only for them
this
is
also
for society. some
people
like to prefer
live
Change preposition
to live
show examples
in the
retirement
home
instead
of their home so I think
this
is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact so I would like to describe briefly in the
next
paragraphs. When
people
get older
then
they face many diseases
for example
Cardiovascular, cancer, and
this
time they need proper medicines and we can say drugs so for proper attention they need medical checkups and need a special treatment So
this
is the main part of seniors age. Healthcare always required energy and time which is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good challenge for older
people
.
Moreover
, they are taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
department so that they become healthy and they get proper improvement in their problems.
Therefore
, Nursing
homes
are
also
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
for the aged to maintain social connections which are good for the proper physical care of seniors.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
all
people
feel lonely and depressed because children do not want to spend time with them So in
this
case
retirement
homes
provide social activities
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
priority which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
it comfortable and easier and
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
to maintain active in
this
age. Older
people
like to attend exercise classes, musical events and many more which they can enjoy with their agemates. So,
this
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good way to keep active themselves. According to the good care and
retirement
homes
facilities
Add a comma
,facilities
show examples
this
is the best living place for older
people
, so I think
this
is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
positive development because it becomes enjoyable.
Submitted by gurpreetd272 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: