IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Employer sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information ,such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some job application
request
Change the verb form
requests
show examples
 personal
information
Use synonyms
 from each
condidate
Correct your spelling
candidate
. Companies like to know how applicants spending their free time or their family status. There are
meny
Correct your spelling
many
believes
Correct pronoun usage
who believes
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 important for the employer while, others think that personal
information
Use synonyms
 is a different topic.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and I give my thoughts. Many people
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that nothing wrong to share some personal
information
Use synonyms
 with your future employer. Some
aplication
Correct your spelling
application
 form can
be contain
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 personal questions
such
Linking Words
 as what is your hobby or your family status. These data is
inportant
Correct your spelling
important
 for companies because they can have a bit better understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
condidates
Correct your spelling
candidates
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 and personalities so
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
informations
Change the determiner
information
show examples
 helps them to
chose
Change the form of the verb
choose
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right person. Other think that personal
information
Use synonyms
 should not
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 asked in those
aplication
Correct your spelling
application
 form because work and personal life are a two different topic. Many
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 some questions violating
ther
Correct your spelling
their
the
 human rights and it has nothing to do with their job.
Use synonyms
Informations
Change the wording
Information
Pieces of information
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 music band or family status are not relevant at all. These sort of questions not helping them when it comes to a final
decission
Correct your spelling
decision
. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed that personal
Use synonyms
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 can or can not be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
usefully
 for
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I believe that personal
Use synonyms
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 are
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
usuful
Correct your spelling
useful
 for companies but
thoese
Correct your spelling
those
these
questiones
Correct your spelling
questions
 should not violate human rights. No
dubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 those data is helping them to get a clearer
pictur
Correct your spelling
picture
 about
condidates
Correct your spelling
candidates
 personalities and lifestyle which is very useful when it comes to a final count down.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: