IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #work #police #force
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,
women
Use synonyms
 are presented with many opportunities in every field to add value
with
Verify preposition usage
to
show examples
 their skills. One
such
Linking Words
 area of work wherein
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 has caused a lot of
controversy
Change to a plural noun
controversies
show examples
 is the
police
Use synonyms
 force. The opponents believe that because of certain limitations which females have as compared to their male counterparts, they should be refrained from joining the
police
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 bias is unnecessary and
women
Use synonyms
 can prove as an asset to the team. To commence with, according to the opponents,
police
Use synonyms
 job needs a lot of physical strength to deal with unexpected situations especially at crime scenes. Indeed, the strength between a man and a woman cannot be measured on
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same scale because of the differences in the body composition that they have.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are many techniques like the Asian form called Jusitju which gives an upper hand to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in a fight.
Women
Use synonyms
 must be trained to deal with situations that can help them use their strength in the right place when required. Another important factor is that unlike men, who are
weilding
Correct your spelling
wielding
willing
 power and authority,
women
Use synonyms
 are more inclined towards making a compromise which makes them the best member when dealing with offenders which
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 good questioning and negotiation skills.
Also
Linking Words
, having a
women
Use synonyms
police
Use synonyms
 accompany the female criminal adds a layer of trust in the system and avoids any possibility of misbehaviour that can happen during the arrest. To recapitulate, I firmly believe that having
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
 force can add immense value and strengthen the team.
However
Linking Words
, it is the responsibility of the government to ensure that appropriate training is imparted to the female force.
Submitted by dolly.harchandani on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
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