IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #women #work #police #force
In
this
 contemporary epoch,
women
 are presented with abundant opportunities in every field to portray their skills. One
such
 area of work wherein
participation
Correct article usage
the participation
show examples
 of
women
 has caused a lot of controversies is the
police
force
. The opponents of
this
 view believe that because of certain limitations which females have as compared to their male counterparts, they should be refrained from joining the
police
.
However
, I contend that
this
 bias is unnecessary and
women
 can prove as an asset to the team. To commence with, the cardinal reason why people oppose
women
 in
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
force
 is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
this
 profession needs a lot of physical strength to deal with unexpected situations
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 at crime scenes. Indeed, the strength of men and
women
 cannot be measured on
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 same scale because of the differences in the body composition that they have but
this
 can be countered with the right skills.
For example
, there are many techniques like the Asian form called Jusitju which gives an upper hand to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
show examples
women
 in a fight.
Thus
,
women
 must be trained to deal with situations that can help them use their strength in the right place when required. Another important factor is that unlike men, who are wielding power and authority,
women
 are more inclined towards making a compromise which gives them an upper hand when dealing with offenders as it requires good questioning and negotiation skills.
Also
, having a
women
police
 accompany the female criminal adds a layer of trust in the system and avoids any possibility of misbehaviour that can happen during the arrest. To give an example, it is mandatory in my country for a female officer to accompany a woman offender when arresting during night hours. To recapitulate, I firmly believe that having
women
 in
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
force
 can add immense value and strengthen the team.
However
, it is the responsibility of the government to ensure that appropriate training is imparted to the female
force
.
Submitted by dolly.harchandani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent equality
  • law enforcement
  • empathy
  • gender-based violence
  • community relations
  • diversity
  • team performance
  • systemic gender bias
  • physical requirements
  • culture of masculinity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: