IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

It is argued that the amount of interaction between the children and their grandparents has extremely decreased recently in a number of current states. On the one hand,
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
 definitely has a negative impact on the
elder
Use the right word
older
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 generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it weakens family bonds.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, seldom
contacts
Verb problem
do contacts
show examples
 with their grandchildren contribute to the mounting feeling of loneliness and uselessness among the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Check wording
apply
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. The more the world develops, the more ignored the latter
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
. If a few decades ago the grandparents were the source of knowledge and huge experience, now they possess less authority among the youngsters. Admittedly,
this
Linking Words
 fact may lead to various psychological and even health problems. The most salient example is the recent experiment of Oxford University, which found that the group of
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 individuals who had had continuous communication with their grandchildren throughout one month
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 experienced a 60%
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 percentage of stress hormone in their blood than those who had had no contact with the children. Alongside
this
Linking Words
, nobody would deny
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
such
Linking Words
 restrictions of communication between the two generations influence
negatively
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the relationship bonds
.
Correct word order
negatively.
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 Preventing
this
Linking Words
 trend continues, the family members may become isolated from each other
further
Linking Words
 down the line.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, grandparents are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 irreplaceable part of a human’s happy childhood.
For example
Linking Words
, how can one imagine his childhood without mouth-watering cookies of Grandmother or unbelievable adventure stories of Grandpa? In conclusion, restricted meetings between
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 people and their grandchildren may have both psychological and social negative outcomes.

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structure
Plan your essay well: start with a clear intro, then 2 or 3 body parts, and end with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use correct grammar. Check subject and verb around grandparent and grandchild.
evidence
Keep your facts simple and true. If you give a study, make it easy to trust or avoid a real name unless you are sure.
content
Stick to the topic. Talk on the effect on old people and on family tie.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next, so the text reads smooth.
content
The idea that loneliness can come to old people is clear.
coherence
You show how family ties can grow weak if there is less talk.
structure
You use some linking words to move the story.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • family
  • time
  • together
  • grandparents
  • grandchildren
  • love
  • care
  • memory
  • story
  • history
  • lesson
  • value
  • bond
  • health
  • loneliness
  • stress
  • support
  • help
  • teach
  • learn
  • guide
  • model
  • trust
  • belong
  • culture
  • tradition
  • future
  • life
  • visit
  • communication
  • interaction
  • togetherness
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