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Band 5.5

The clothing and fashion industry have a big influence on people. Is this good or bad thing.

#fashion #industry #influence #people
The growing popularity of
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothing
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 and other related accessories has a big impact on individuals.
Although
 there are some benefits of following that for an economy, it will lead to deprivation. In
this
 , essay I will discuss it as negatives with a benefit of it.
To begin
 with, it will flourish the apparel business and inject growth into the economy.
Firstly
, people will start spending on fashionable clothes and matching items related to it
such
 as earrings,
neckpiece
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neckpieces
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, footwear and so on. Perhaps it will give a boost to the country as more money will circulate in the market which is positive for blooming the nation.
Nevertheless
, it is not good for a single person. First of all, it will have an adverse effect on folks because they will start following their ideals blindly
who
Correct word choice
and
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 wear branded and expensive outfits.
In addition
 to that, they put
make-up
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makeup
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 on their skin to look flawless which contains toxic chemicals that are not good for
human
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humans
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. The major effect will be on the younger generation as they will force their parents to buy them
such
 high-cost items making them stubborn as not everyone can afford to buy costly goods creating differences between parents and children.
Besides
, it will create dependence upon others
that
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on
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 what is trending and currently well-known in the industry which will reduce the mental ability of their own.
To conclude
, despite the advantage to the economy, its adverse effects on individuals can not be ignored.
Hence
, it is regarded as disagreeable.
Submitted by sumani.rajput1994 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of the clothing and fashion industry on individuals. However, the arguments could be more balanced by exploring both the positive and negative aspects in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and clearly present the main topic and opinion. However, some ideas lack coherence and could be further connected to each other for a smoother flow of information.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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