History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

#history #people #society #times #happen

Every human being

desire

Wrong verb form

desires

show examples

to build and be a part of an ideal

society

Although

many times in the past people have

fascinated

Add a missing verb

been fascinated

show examples

by constructing

such

a community, often they have not succeeded in creating

one

This

essay will discuss what makes a well-ordered community and how can we create

one

. An ideal community should be

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one

where the human being can dwell with complete peace and harmony.

This

civilisation is free from any discrimination against caste, race, colour or religion of people living there.

For instance

, civilians residing in

such

society

will develop a sense of fairness and justice. To give an example from Indian history, during the rule of Emperor Akbar, his

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

dwelled in total harmony and fairness as the Emperor would not tolerate any inequality against

anything

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. For these reasons, I believe an ideal

society

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one

that provides equal opportunities to every person irrespective of what

democratic

Replace the word

democracy

show examples

they belong to. There are certain ways in which building

such

society

can be possible.

Firstly

, every human being should learn the values of equality and must treat every other living being with respect and kindness.

Secondly

, they must elect political leaders who share the same view for their countries as

this

will help the government to intervene and keep a check if any imbalance is observed in

society

For example

, the US has elected Joe Biden as their president who believes in equality which gives a sense of pride among citizens and encourages them to inculcate and spread these values.

To sum up

, creating a perfect

society

can be a very challenging mission as it is difficult to instil complete peace and harmony.

However

, it is not entirely impossible. By drilling these values into all humans and with the help of government, we can ultimately contribute to making an ideal

society

for the betterment of people.

Submitted by Anuradha on Fri Feb 26 2021

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task response

Your essay effectively addresses the topic and provides clear ideas about an ideal society. Ensure that your main points are well supported with evidence and connect logically to each other.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, creating a well-structured essay. Work on improving the connections between your supporting points to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

313 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

Your opinion

Some people say that history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people say that protecting the environment is the government's responsibility. Other believe that every individual should be responsible for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problems with obesity. This problem effect to the children and adults. What are the reasons for this? and how could it be tackle.