More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to work. What will be the consequence of this? What solution can you offer?

Despite the fact myriads of occupation are flourishing with leaps and bounds, peasant
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject peasant. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
migrating to urban areas to earn their live-hood.
Therefore
, severe outcomes will be occurred, which would result in over-population within cities.
This
essay will discuss the ill effect of
such
movements and possible solutions to deter
their
Delete the pronoun
apply

The pronoun their may be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

show examples
harmful outcomes. To embark, the most prominent adverse situation due to abundant rural people associated with farming shifting to developed places will be both shortages of foodstuff production and the inclination of a crowd in the shifted place. Since the decline of
Add an article
a laborer
the laborer

The noun phrase laborer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
laborer
Change the spelling
labourer

The spelling of laborer is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
in fields will fail to meet the foodstuff requirements of the netizen in the nation, it will cause the import of foods from other countries.
As a result
, the cost of living would be difficult to maintain due to an increase in tax over cuisine items as they are imported.
Moreover
,
although
sufficient numbers of jobs available in metropolitan areas, exploitation of employees would occur due to competition in the job sector. To address
this
issue, one notable step that should be taken by the government is the relaxation in farming equipment purchase, and educating the farmer recent technique either by professionals or conducting seminars to educate them. By subsidy in farming machines, a farmer can buy the latest developed tools rather than using the conventional ones.
Furthermore
, if the farmer learns the recent method developed by the researchers, they can not only increase their meal production but
also
maintain the fertility of the land. In conclusion, in order to curb the migration of grower in different places, governments should take the stringent steps by introducing discount on the purchase of grower on a farming machine, and teaching producer an improvised farming technique can help them to continue their occupation
Submitted by ank.fetr on

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next: