Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, many people who suffer from diabetes and

obesity

Use synonyms

throughout the world are increasing. Others believe that the

government

Use synonyms

should ban sugar snacks from schools. I totally disagree with

this

Linking Words

notion, for two

reason

Change to a plural noun

reasons

show examples

. The children who

ages

Change the verb form

age

show examples

0-25 are not prone to

obesity

Use synonyms

since they are more active at school,

however

Linking Words

, elderly people are the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who

eat

Change the verb form

eats

show examples

more and

excert

Correct your spelling

exert

effort less

Correct your spelling

effortless

show examples

due to busy work.

To begin

Linking Words

with, children

are regularly involve

Change the verb form

are regularly involved

show examples

in many activities at school.

For instance

Linking Words

sports, they are more active during the day and move more frequently,

therefore

Linking Words

they are not prone to

these health-related disease

Change the determiner

this health-related disease

these health-related diseases

show examples

because the fats and sugar they take

are being tackle

Change the verb form

are being tackled

show examples

by the active movements that they will produce sweat. The

government

Use synonyms

should not ban

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sugary snacks in every institution.

Secondly

Linking Words

, adults are more prone to diabetes and

obesity

Use synonyms

due to lack of movements during the day and busy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

work.

For example

Linking Words

, the call

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

agent who just sit 8 hours a day and do not have enough time to get proper

food

Use synonyms

but

instead

Linking Words

turning to fast

food

Use synonyms

and instant

food

Use synonyms

in many stores today. They are the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

that the

government

Use synonyms

should take actions and discipline

not

Add the comma(s)

,not

show examples

the schools

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

the teachers can educate the kids but have the freedom to choose what they want to eat. In conclusion, though

obesity

Use synonyms

and diabetes are

raising

Correct your spelling

rising

show examples

Correct your spelling

today's

todays

Change to a genitive case

today's

show examples

generation, the

government

Use synonyms

should not ban

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sugary

food

Use synonyms

in schools because kids are more active and they are not the

one

Correct pronoun usage

ones

show examples

who

are

Change the verb form

show examples

prone to these health-related diseases but the adults.

abaloraemie

Mar 3, 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

265 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
The internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. Some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. Do you support or oppose the opinion? Explain your position.
Many people across the world rely on the internet as their source of knowledge due to the internet becoming very efficient and popular. Some people say that it should replace books and rely completely on the internet. However, i completely disagree with this view due to concern for the child's health and the drawbacks of the internet.
7
band
Some people think that to learn a second language well, it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this?
Bilingualism refers to the act of knowing a language besides your mother tongue on a proficient level. Having the ability to comprehend and communicate using a second language is a valuable asset as it allows you to connect with people from various places all around the world. It is a no-brainer that in order for someone to master a new language, they have to go through the process of learning it thoroughly. Some might argue that it is necessary for someone to live in the country where that language is spoken. On the contrary, I think that that condition should not be a necessity.
6.5
band
Today more people are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?
Nowadays the majority of people suffer from being overweight, and this situation has some reasons, also effects. In this essay, I will discuss the main reason behind obesity and propose some possible suggestions that can be helped. First of all, technology has improved day by day, and it can provide individuals with various services which make their life easier. For example, they can buy their needs from online shopping sites, therefore they should not go anywhere, also they do not do exercise,
6
band
In the future, all cars, buses, and tracks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. What are the advantages and disadvantages.
In the future, all cars, buses, and trucks will be driverless. This means the only people traveling in these vehicles will be passengers. There are several advantages and disadvantages to this change.
6
band
These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?
I agree that the increasing amount of violence shown on television today is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Numerous studies have shown that exposure to violent media can influence young minds, potentially leading to aggressive behaviors, desensitization to violence, and distorted perspectives on real-life consequences.

Rates of diabetes and obesity are increasing in many countries around the world. Some people think that governments should ban soft drinks and sugary snacks from schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

The internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. Some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. Do you support or oppose the opinion? Explain your position.

Some people think that to learn a second language well, it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this?

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

In the future, all cars, buses, and tracks will be driveless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. What are the advantages and disadvantages.

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?