IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #olympic #games #people #nations #olympics #wastes #money
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Many people believe that
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
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games
Use synonyms
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unity to all
nations
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. Others think that
this
Linking Words
event
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 is not important and wastes money. It is a tendency to believe that international
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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games
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are cost
Change to the active voice
cost
have cost
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 an enormous money to organize the
event
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that there are several benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
Olympic
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event
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.
According to
Linking Words
the
Correct determiner usage
this
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 point of view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
games
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such
Linking Words
 as
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
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, It is the big
event
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 that happens once
in
Change preposition
apply
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every four years. It cost a vast financial investment to hold
this
Linking Words
event
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.
For example
Linking Words
, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the
Olympic
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games
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 in South Africa in 2010 and the governments
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 to
rebuilt
Change the verb
rebuild
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 many
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 stadiums around the
country
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 to hold the number of
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 around the world that attended the
Olympic
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games
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. For some
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Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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country
Add a comma
country,
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this
Linking Words
event
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 is kind of the reputation of the
country
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.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason why many
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country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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 spend over a trillion dollars to organize
this
Linking Words
event
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while
Linking Words
 they could spend
this
Linking Words
 amount of money to improve the society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are various benefits happen in
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, it can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unity in each
Use synonyms
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
 to
cheers
Wrong verb form
cheer
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 their homeland competitors.
This
Linking Words
 can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joyful moments to that
country
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 when they are in the
winner
Replace the word
winning
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 positions.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
event
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encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people from different
nations
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 to be more generous to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 as the
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 roles are.
Olympic
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games
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 can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the tourism trends in the
country
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 as well;
there by
Correct your spelling
thereby
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, the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 will increase from the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 around the world that visit to the host
country
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
event
Use synonyms
 should be happened continuously.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the joyful and unity can drive the happiness of people in every
Use synonyms
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
 around the world
Submitted by noppapat_k on

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Task Achievement
Good job on discussing both sides of the argument and providing your opinion. Make sure to address each aspect of the prompt in more detail to enhance task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Try to improve the transitions between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
Content
Discussion of benefits and drawbacks of the Olympic games.
Content
Clear expression of opinion in the conclusion.
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