Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
internet technology popularity, social networking sites have a huge impact on both individuals and society. Some
people
believe that the effect of cyber social sites is negative. I strongly agree with
this
opinion.
To begin
with, the internet system is cost-effective and convenient for individuals.
This
means that all
kinds
of human behaviours have been moving from the real world to a virtual world, which can promote
people
to finish many works efficiently, make friends widely, and discuss all
kinds
of topics whenever and wherever possible.
However
,
people
are inevitable to lose many healthy habits,
such
as, the global meeting leads many
people
who have to work at night to suffer from a long time sitting down a side of the desk talking with colleagues or customers from
different
Add an article
the different

The noun phrase different city seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
city across the world.
This
kind of sedentary lifestyles definitely impacts
people
’s health negatively, which cause many serious illnesses to workers
such
as heart disease or obesity.
Additionally
, the trait of
high performance
Add a hyphen
high-performance

It appears that high performance is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
internet social network is irreversible to promote many societies running efficiently, while it absolutely
draw
Change the verb form
draws

It appears that the subject pronoun it and the verb draw are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

show examples
attention to some
people
commit all
kinds
of
cyber crimes
Correct your spelling
cybercrimes

The word cyber crimes seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
. Through building network chat rooms, pasting pornographies, spreading
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours

The spelling of rumors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
, making fake news, so that they can push drugs, illegally gamble, overhaul some crucial verdicts like a result of national voting. Those activities deeply deteriorate our societies, which make the mechanism of society not longer high quality. To summaries, technological progress has been overwhelming all
kinds
of conventional customs, beliefs, norms and values. I hold a conservative opinion and pessimistically think that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
side of social network sites must to change
orientation
Add an article
the orientation

The noun phrase orientation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
of our living to twilight.
Submitted by henrybeee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improve your band scores without paying for expensive tutoring
Writing9 scans your text for all types of mistakes, from typos to sentence structure problems and beyond.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Type your essay and get a band score instantly
Just type your IELTS essay and receive a clear, detailed report and band score in a moment.