IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society
With
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
internet technology popularity, social networking sites have a huge impact on both individuals and society. Some
people
 believe that the effect of cyber social sites is negative. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion.
To begin
 with, the internet system is cost-effective and convenient for individuals.
This
 means that all
kinds
 of human behaviours have been moving from the real world to a virtual world, which can promote
people
 to finish many works efficiently, make friends widely, and discuss all
kinds
 of topics whenever and wherever possible.
However
,
people
 are inevitable to lose many healthy habits,
such
 as, the global meeting leads many
people
 who have to work at night to suffer from a long time sitting down a side of the desk talking with colleagues or customers from
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
 city across the world.
This
 kind of sedentary lifestyles definitely impacts
people
’s health negatively, which cause many serious illnesses to workers
such
 as heart disease or obesity.
Additionally
, the trait of
high performance
Add a hyphen
high-performance
show examples
 internet social network is irreversible to promote many societies running efficiently, while it absolutely
draw
Change the verb form
draws
show examples
 attention to some
people
 commit all
kinds
 of
cyber crimes
Correct your spelling
cybercrimes
show examples
. Through building network chat rooms, pasting pornographies, spreading
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
, making fake news, so that they can push drugs, illegally gamble, overhaul some crucial verdicts like a result of national voting. Those activities deeply deteriorate our societies, which make the mechanism of society not longer high quality. To summaries, technological progress has been overwhelming all
kinds
 of conventional customs, beliefs, norms and values. I hold a conservative opinion and pessimistically think that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 side of social network sites must to change
orientation
Add an article
the orientation
show examples
 of our living to twilight.
Submitted by henrybeee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: