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Band 4.5

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #industries #move #areas #centers
It is often argued that bigger
firms
 or industries would be shifted to rural
areas
 from urban
cities
 for the betterment.
While
this
 trend has some disadvantages, I believe
this
 phenomenon comes with several positive developments for the whole society.
To begin
 with, there are some minor obstacles
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
caused by transferring large industries to rural
areas
.
Firstly
, the transportation system in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
 is not so good, so, the companies have to face some kind of
problems
 when they export or import their products especially raw materials because they have to take them from the
cities
.
Secondly
, there are other
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
structural
problems
such
 as the supply of water,
electricity
Correct word choice
and electricity
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and communicating
show examples
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 hassles might be happening in the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
, which is not affordable for the
company
 's growth.
For example
, in that era almost all the
firms
handle
Wrong verb form
handled
show examples
 all of their work with the help of the internet, which helps them to give more exposure
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their product,
also
 they have to deal with their clients online. Despite some demerits for the business, the shifting of the industries to the rural
areas
 comes with many advantages for the
company
as well as
 human beings. To elaborate, the bigger
firms
 produce a lot of waste which is harmful to individuals
as well as
 the environment because in the
cities
 there
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 enough space to
dispose
Add the preposition
dispose of
show examples
 the
company
's waste. But the countryside
areas
 have efficient space for their business at very reasonable prices.
Hence
,
this
 thing helps to resolve pollution
problems
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
.
Moreover
, when the bigger
firms
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
establish in
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
show examples
, the government have to resolve all issues of the rural places they have to provide good provisions
such
 as better roads, good infrastructure,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 health or education facilities,
consequently
,
this
 thing gives
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people of that particular area.
In other words
,
this
 phenomenon will help to resolve
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
as well as
 suburb area
problems
.
To conclude
,
although
 moving companies to rural
areas
 have some drawbacks for the
company
, I believe that there are several positive effects
would
Correct pronoun usage
that would
show examples
 happen for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings
such
 as less pollution in the
cities
,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 facilities for the countryside 's people.
Submitted by Khush Guraya  on

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task response
Provide clearer examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well connected and organized in a logical manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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